so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
