Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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