My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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