HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
