So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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