he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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