I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I will be naked everywhere
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
