I cockslap morals
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
