I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Vodka?
Forever.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
