i love accidental penises.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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