They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
