once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
