And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
