I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
