I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
