U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
