How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
