Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
