It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
