The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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