I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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