Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My bed smells like the plague
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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