I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
