Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
