I accidentally had phone sex last night
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
