Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
