I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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