if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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