How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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