At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
