Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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