Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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