My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize