just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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