No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
