get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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