Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
