do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
