So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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