am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
vagina is talking i cant
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
