Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
