i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
