Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
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He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
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Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
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Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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