Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
