"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.