Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that