Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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