Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.