We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Boobs are out for the taking
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
