The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
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