So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
