What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
