I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
