I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
