Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
