toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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