Sry I called you an 8
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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