She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
