There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
