put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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