I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize