i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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