hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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