when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
