I skipped work to stalk him.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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