he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
