Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
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