and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
