Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
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It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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