She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
