He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
