wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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