I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
