i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
