so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she looked like the before picture.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
