theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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