I need help removing her.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
