I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
