There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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