wat bout pragnant strippers??
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
