worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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