I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
