You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize