Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
